He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the condom got lost in my hair
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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