im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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