I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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