I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
