She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
