Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Couch. On fire.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
