yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
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ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i now understand why vodka
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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