If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
