I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i think im in europe. pls send help
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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