Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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