omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
