how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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