All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
