i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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