I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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