how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
