my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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