Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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