I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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