I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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