my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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