i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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