I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
