dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
