entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
