Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
