my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
