He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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