Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
