Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
