I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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