you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
