I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
