Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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