I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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