I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
