just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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