I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
