She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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