I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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