It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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