In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
