After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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