So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
