Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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