She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
