But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
