i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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