obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
