Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
