batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
