He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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