the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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