I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
