Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
