When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
