Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
